We Know What to Do

We Just Don’t (Always) Do It

Here’s the plain truth about getting along with each other — or not: it isn’t complicated, most of us know what to do, and, for a variety of reasons, sometimes we just don’t do it.

Since the goal here is to figure out how to maximize the goodwill between landlords and tenants, let’s take a look at some of the reasons why we might not do what it takes to keep the goodwill alive and healthy.

Trouble and conflict can be more familiar than peaceful interaction

One of the most powerful motivators of human behavior is the need for security and familiarity. If a person’s life experiences have included much strife and conflict, especially involving important people in their life, there will sometimes be a strong tendency to manufacture conflict in situations where it might not otherwise exist.

Our societies encourage conflict — it's our “default setting”

There’s no question that modern society has become extraordinarily divisive, with every imaginable group and subgroup ready to “square off” and do battle with one or more other groups.

The landlord and tenant combination is perfectly positioned to spawn precisely this kind of divisiveness: property owners, usually older and presumably more prosperous, interact with young, frequently cash-strapped students in an arrangement based on one of our most urgent needs, shelter. What could possibly go wrong?

We don’t always show it, but many of us are angry and stressed

The real problem with the stressful lives led by so many of us is that much of the time, we don’t have a real clear picture of just who or what it is that is making us uncomfortable. It becomes a chronic, low-level annoyance that is just always there. Kind of like a trap that has been set.

So when something unexpected and potentially troublesome happens — especially if it involves one of those suspicious “other” groups, like your landlord or your tenant — this can be enough to bring the simmering pot to a full boil. Naturally, the resulting overreaction can be confusing to the other party (who quite possibly is dealing with their own stress and might also not react 100% reasonably).

Reason for hope

The point of all these trouble-making scenarios is actually to bring some hope to the situation. Understanding that there are a number of background issues — some in our society, some in an individual’s personal history — that can get in the way of successful interaction actually opens the door to real improvement. If the trouble people experience in their dealings with each other was just plain random, with no explanations available, the situation might really be hopeless.

The causes do exist, the seemingly endless conflicts are not just random — and the situation is definitely not hopeless.